First things first; in terms of the pipeline, it’s clear that your production is struggling to identify its visual concept – above and beyond literal translations of objects into CGI – and also that design is the ‘unloved’ bit of this project. Ultimately, this is going to matter more and more as time goes on – not simply in terms of the audience experience, but also as you try and work effectively as a group. If there’s no agreement on the rules of your world, I wonder how the division of labour in terms of modeling/texturing/lighting is going to play out in the final few weeks?
Your pre-viz is very confusing – because it doesn’t show what your script makes clear, which is that the various tracking shots are transitioning from ‘new to old’. Your script is much better at conveying the implied power and emotional content of the story, and I like your use of the Kuleshov effect, as we come to realize the human cost of this dead industry. What I would observe is, currently, I think you give your punchline away too soon; it feels to me, to make best use of the Kuleshov effect, our impression of this character should shift as the film progresses; put more simply, if you show us the dissolve between the new and old factory in the first few shots, you’re telling us from the outset what we are to think of this man’s expression – which is that he is a victim of change. If, for example, you were to begin your film by shots of the factory looking pristine and working well, and the we cut to the close-up, we might be encouraged to read the expression as ‘pride’ and ‘dignity’ etc. Then, as the transitions slowly demonstrate the factory is redundant, cutting back to the same shot of the man has more of an impact as we realize that we’re now reading this character’s expression very differently.
Another issue for me is that this guy of yours is old. Your story puts me in mind of the miners in this country when the pits were closed; suddenly their identities as men and as husbands and as providers were vanished when their livelihoods were changed. For me, if your character is of working age still, and then we realize that his livelihood is finished and that the factory he worked in since he was a boy has been closed down, I think the poignancy of his situation is only increased. - PG
The ‘bottom line’ here is that this OGR is an indication of a ‘dysfunctional’ group working at odds with each other, at their own pace, and in their own directions. This is worrying for the future of the project and final assessment should this theme continue. I’d suggest addressing these group and personal issues as quickly as possible. In terms of improvements for your current project, these are;
A) Style: To put this in basic terms your project is currently ‘style-less’ with no serious attempt having been made to identify a core design direction. This is in direct opposition to tutorials where L. S. Lowrey was mentioned on several occasions as a possible direction. In each case the models (realistic), the concept art (undefined), and character (seriously underdeveloped) art direction has been ignored. Lowrey (or similar) is the answer in all cases but this will also mean going back to the start – Adding ‘on top’ of what you have will not work.
B) Characters: As mentioned above there is only a ‘suggestion’ of a character in this submission (week 1 / 2 standard). Again there were suggestions made during tutorials as to who you could base this character on such as Pete Postlethwait – An older man at the end of his working life. I’d suggest dealing with this issue as soon as possible once you have an art direction to work too.
C) Concept Art: One drawing in seven weeks is not appropriate at this level of study. I also suspect that this drawing was produced during week seven and rushed. It has no discernable art style to speak of and again adds very little into the creative mix. Again I would suggest addressing this issue once you have identified and art style and with an increased urgency.
D) Animatic / Pre-Viz: Whilst your pre-viz is not without merit it is ultimately hard to understand without the aid of your script. This is due to the lack of content within your pre-viz frames. I’d suggest going back to this edit and as a temporary measure writing what is meant to be shown in these frames. Don’t forget the role of an animatic / pre-viz is move on from the script and tell your story visually. - AP
Ghost in the Can
ReplyDeleteFirst things first; in terms of the pipeline, it’s clear that your production is struggling to identify its visual concept – above and beyond literal translations of objects into CGI – and also that design is the ‘unloved’ bit of this project. Ultimately, this is going to matter more and more as time goes on – not simply in terms of the audience experience, but also as you try and work effectively as a group. If there’s no agreement on the rules of your world, I wonder how the division of labour in terms of modeling/texturing/lighting is going to play out in the final few weeks?
Your pre-viz is very confusing – because it doesn’t show what your script makes clear, which is that the various tracking shots are transitioning from ‘new to old’. Your script is much better at conveying the implied power and emotional content of the story, and I like your use of the Kuleshov effect, as we come to realize the human cost of this dead industry. What I would observe is, currently, I think you give your punchline away too soon; it feels to me, to make best use of the Kuleshov effect, our impression of this character should shift as the film progresses; put more simply, if you show us the dissolve between the new and old factory in the first few shots, you’re telling us from the outset what we are to think of this man’s expression – which is that he is a victim of change. If, for example, you were to begin your film by shots of the factory looking pristine and working well, and the we cut to the close-up, we might be encouraged to read the expression as ‘pride’ and ‘dignity’ etc. Then, as the transitions slowly demonstrate the factory is redundant, cutting back to the same shot of the man has more of an impact as we realize that we’re now reading this character’s expression very differently.
Another issue for me is that this guy of yours is old. Your story puts me in mind of the miners in this country when the pits were closed; suddenly their identities as men and as husbands and as providers were vanished when their livelihoods were changed. For me, if your character is of working age still, and then we realize that his livelihood is finished and that the factory he worked in since he was a boy has been closed down, I think the poignancy of his situation is only increased. - PG
The ‘bottom line’ here is that this OGR is an indication of a ‘dysfunctional’ group working at odds with each other, at their own pace, and in their own directions. This is worrying for the future of the project and final assessment should this theme continue. I’d suggest addressing these group and personal issues as quickly as possible. In terms of improvements for your current project, these are;
ReplyDeleteA) Style: To put this in basic terms your project is currently ‘style-less’ with no serious attempt having been made to identify a core design direction. This is in direct opposition to tutorials where L. S. Lowrey was mentioned on several occasions as a possible direction. In each case the models (realistic), the concept art (undefined), and character (seriously underdeveloped) art direction has been ignored. Lowrey (or similar) is the answer in all cases but this will also mean going back to the start – Adding ‘on top’ of what you have will not work.
B) Characters: As mentioned above there is only a ‘suggestion’ of a character in this submission (week 1 / 2 standard). Again there were suggestions made during tutorials as to who you could base this character on such as Pete Postlethwait – An older man at the end of his working life. I’d suggest dealing with this issue as soon as possible once you have an art direction to work too.
C) Concept Art: One drawing in seven weeks is not appropriate at this level of study. I also suspect that this drawing was produced during week seven and rushed. It has no discernable art style to speak of and again adds very little into the creative mix. Again I would suggest addressing this issue once you have identified and art style and with an increased urgency.
D) Animatic / Pre-Viz: Whilst your pre-viz is not without merit it is ultimately hard to understand without the aid of your script. This is due to the lack of content within your pre-viz frames. I’d suggest going back to this edit and as a temporary measure writing what is meant to be shown in these frames. Don’t forget the role of an animatic / pre-viz is move on from the script and tell your story visually. - AP